Monday, December 17, 2018

How Not To Live (english version)

There are a lot of complex situations and certain things in this life of ours. Have you ever wondered how not to live instead of how to live this life? Well, I've done that for you today and I searched some resources and thought about it a while and here it is, my new creation; How Not To Live!

First we need to take the basic humane interests.

1. Biological Needs 

First of all, we need harmful ingredients for this such as bad eating habits and cancer causing substances. We first need to add these to our routine shall we?
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This is what we really need to harm ourselves ladies and gentleman. Don't underestimate the importance of what you need to harm yourself well. Eating fried meat will help you to die faster. Eating vegetables that are made of chemicals and poisonously grown in dirty farms are all we need. Also we need to eat organic lasbeled food in order to fool ourselves with this new advertisement name "organic." So eat some sh*t to be fully organic every day. Either of these will help you how not to live your life.

2. Media and best selling books

This is very important. You will need to listen to the public news and read public newspapers to get misinformed perfectly. This will help you to get stupid and be ignorant. Other than this you ONLY need to read the best selling books and not other nonsense. This will help you to be a sheep in the flock of zombies. Don't ever worry , you will be brainwashed with nonsense and anti-intellectual issues that has no good to anyone. Be sure to follow these steps. Media is your prophet.

3. Be good at school and obey your holy teachers' words

This is also very fundemental to achive a higher level on "How Not To Live". From the beginning of your educational life, study ALL the books that your teacher gives you and obey ALL of the instructions given to you. This is very critical. Do not ever try to learn something faster, always know that your teachers and school system cares about you as a person. Don't ever doubt, ok?

4. Judge everything you can find about a person that does not think like you.

This is the new meaning of your life my dear friend. You need to be good at this mission and adapt your brain to be suitable with this command. What you need to do is basic. Just learn how to hate people you see around or on the media that are not thinking like you even if you don't know a sh*t about the topic. Don't forget this; if your school and family background and your life style are not matching with some people or a person, beat them to death. This has very high importance. For example, beat someone to death if he/she does not support your ideas and what you need to use as a wepon is the non related mistakes and little details that will hurt that person. This way, you will kill him/her with your words and win the fight.

5. Never change

As we are getting closer to the last steps of being a butth*le (how not to live) , keep in mind; you shall never change yourself or judge yourself. NEVER! You are the God, Jesus and Zeus. Follow the instructions on the 4th step for more details. This will keep you strong and your enemies (the healthy and curious/different people) will die in depression soon.

6. Cigarettes are harmful but weed and illegal sh*t are good for everyone,

Never ever forget this. One of your duties is to stop the tobacco industry by sh*tting on the face of smokers. Your second mission is to promote the most harmful sh*t around. Because know that the most harmful things in this planet are tobacco and opposite beliefs. For example , smoke the deadly weed and heroin in front of tobacco smokers and spit them with cancer photos caused by tobacco smoking. Keep this in mind, tobacco is full of deadly chemicals and the smokers are demons and idiots. They are ignorant and you need to teach them the truth about healthy (!) weed and drugs. Tobacco smokers are dying every second and this is a reason for you to hate smokers. Smokers shall be dead and you can kill them with your high self esteem. This is important my friend. Promote organic carrots and meat against the cigarettes and the demons who smoke it. Keep this in mind; the relief of the smoke and how depressed those people are not your problem. It is not a thing to think about. They are all just stupid demons. They are ignorant and dangerous. You are the one and only God.

6. Hate 

This is the last step. After applying this, you will become the award winner of The How Not To Live awards program. What you need to do is very simple. Hate everyone and everything. Believe in yourself. Remember this; you are perfect, you are not ignorant , you are right , you have the best brain, you are not a dumbass b*tch. If a demon with some not best selling books and not popular information approaches you, and if that person has a cigarette in his/her mouth, kill them with your toungue. You are the God and the system is your holy book.

Here is your certificate Sir./Madam:

-Yunus Emre Vurgun (your best enemy)


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